The Grace in The Break

Light "breaks:" we need them

My father calls me “unreasonable.” Well, he called me unreasonable when I called him up on the last of July, and told him I had got a broken toe. He usually does not compliment me (we share a strange connection wherein affection borders on disrespect and sarcasm and I mean this as sheer, outrageous humor, also the absolute truth) but this time round he accused me outright of not sleeping late nights and scurrying around unnecessarily (probably like a rodent) when I should be in bed sound asleep. He was partly-wrong and partly-right. I can sometimes stay up whole nights doing things that take up all my time. But on this particular night, it was not past sleeping hours and I had been arranging stuff on the top of my wardrobe when I slipped and fell down from the chair in a direction that lay undue linear pressure on my feet and cracked the axillary bone, as an X-Ray showed the next day. I thought it was just a severe sprain and I remember that I hardly slept that night but as I moved around, I was wincing in pain. The swelling was little so I didn’t doubt that I had a fracture to deal with. 

The next morning, my brother took me to the hospital in a cab and I walked all the while (should have used a wheelchair)- this included walking up and downstairs four times but I did it with brother’s steady support. I really thought this couldn’t be more than a sprain though I gave myself the benefit of doubt-leaving room for what I now call the “toe-break.” A break in the literal sense because the past five months after we shifted to our new residence had been hectic though exhilarating. I was so stoked to get a space and room of my own and I was happy in a long time because my relationship with my would be-partner was blossoming. Also, my mental health had improved after a depressing episode of what I call the “pseudo-possession” syndrome. 

My garment shop had been doing okay during the first few months after I shifted it to our building from the town. I could at least manage to raise rent and make small payments for the stock investment while also paying for my food, entertainment and maintenance bills (as a woman, who doesn’t have the last?). But that was it; there was no extra money coming into my savings and whatever little I could scrape was used to get by daily.

In fact, to spill the beans, people thought that now that I was a building owner (sorry, my dad is, not I), and that I had a shop here where I supposedly didn’t have to pay rent (no judgement, but I pay rent because I believe in being a responsible daughter), I must be very rich. I don’t ask dad for money unless it’s completely necessary and I can’t arrange it on my own (I have a sense of hyper-independence for which my love teases me but I know it is good-natured). So, the fact is, I have never been good at making or more to say, keeping money which I don’t regret (I do believe in living, and sharing what little I have). 

However, I do wonder at God’s grace. I am forty years old, almost. And I had a fulfilling stint in journalism for a decade. I had my good and bad times. I also had my heart broken more than I care to count. But through all this and more, God has stood by me and provided me all that I needed, even wanted. On the days that I was flat broke, I still ate nourishing meals, drank clean water, wore good clothes and had a roof over my head. I have a family who has always loved me for who I am. And genuine friends to help me. 

Since yesterday, I have had long bouts of sleeping during the day while I wrote and did creative work at night. I also took part in a sleeping marathon which rested me completely and put me in the most congenial of moods. I woke up, communicated with my partner, chatted with friends, spent time with mum, prayed and ate wholesome fruit, cornflakes with milk and spicy Maggi soup (asked mum to season it with a lot of fresh, green chili). 

What more could I learn from this little episode in life? The “breaks” in your life can come in the form of broken bones but through them, God teaches you to put the brakes on the accelerator of your life as well, come back to him and find yourself in rest and healing when necessary.  

I have been so caught up in the whirlpool of life-doing the daily chores, fulfilling my domestic and relational duties and trying to make money that I had forgotten that my body and soul were weary, crying out for rest-physical and spiritual. Now, I have the opportunity to recuperate, withdraw into my soul and churn out creative work. 

Yes, while the world moves on frantically shouting, “More, more, more!” the cry of the soul is most often to slow down, breathe and say “Yes, I need less.” A break can do wonders for your body and soul provided you know how to rest. My rest right now looks a lot like taking deep naps, eating healthy, good food, reading, listening to music, writing, praying, loving and sleeping some more. This is grace, too. Time for a break! 

 

        Meditations  

 

Movement and achievement are totally necessary. But our bodies are not meant for energy and action alone. The body requires rest, nourishing food and exercise. Just as our soul also needs solitude, calm, retreat and time to meditate on the mysteries that our world holds (existential dilemmas included). Think “balance.”